Friday, January 26, 2007

oh, the unanticipated benefits of illness

Your Drunken Housewife is sick: sick enough to not have had a drop of alcohol in days (you know I'm really sick when I don't want a glass of wine in the evening), sick enough to just want to lie around having the odd swig of Nyquil and coughing. I've been around small children hacking their guts up for weeks, and finally I've succumbed to whatever upper respiratory bug is de rigeur these days. (Disgusting sidenote-- and STOP READING NOW if you are fastidious: Lola hacked up a piece of phlegm for the first time in her short life, and she burst out into freaked-out tears. It took some questioning for us to establish what had occurred. "There was something in my mouth!" she cried. Oh, the grossness of life, my poor Lola, you're only starting to learn. It reminded me of the first time poor toddler Iris Uber Alles vomited. She had this astonished "what the fuck" look on her face as she repeatedly projectile vomited).

But there is no cloud without a glorious golden lining, and mine is that the Sober Husband took Lola to the pediatric dentist for her Very First Fillings this morning. This dental practice is big on a ritual I call Shaming The Parents, where the personnel roll their eyes, lean against the cabinets and sigh after asking a series of questions aimed to shame: "You do time brushing her teeth, don't you? You have a timer you use? You do floss her teeth every day, don't you? How often do you floss her teeth? You do apply the fluoride gel to her molars, don't you? Why not?" I wouldn't be surprised if they were to pull out a version of "The Big Book Of British Smiles" the next time we're there. The hygienists and the dentists alike pull this, and Iris Uber Alles and I pine away for our beloved lost dentist, the goddess of all teeth, Dr. Judy Huey, who moved to Scottsdale and who never made her patients feel like disgusting dental losers who are wastes of perfectly good toothpaste and who should be eliminated from society to make room for those with better teeth.


smalltownme said...

A Disgusting Dental Loser checking in here... There was no way I could brush or floss one son's teeth when he was biting and gnashing like a shark. Now he is 16 and has never had a cavity. So who is right? Was it genetics, luck or fluoride? Hope you find a more reasonable dentist. I finally found a good one where they don't nag, and as a result, I try to do better.

Anonymous said...

I had a judgmental dentist once. I felt horrible every time I went... until I realized that *they* worked for *me* - so I fired them.

Anonymous said...

I was completely down and out last night, too, after spending 3 days wiping up Chloe's projectile vomit. Ew. It was just a matter of time before I'd get it. Cheers to better health for your family, and mine.

Yes, I was given the look too, as Sam had a cavity re-filled a couple of weeks ago. When asked about every day flossing, I confessed to not riding his tail as much lately (which is required). I was given 'the look', and a fragile comment.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I got shamed by my own friends recently.
"You HAVE had your teeth cleaned in the last few months right?"
Me: uh no.
Friends: EW.
Me: wanna kiss me? LOL ...
(not really on the last part but I should have!)

Anonymous said...

Get well soon!!
You could take some solace in knowing that NyQuil has some alcohol in it.