Monday, January 01, 2007

oh, the compatibility

The other night, the Sober Husband (who has been known since Christmas as "Mr. Ipod" as he has become completely obsessed with his ipod) and I were sitting up in bed playing with our gadgets. We both have spanking new laptops, mine a birthday present from the husband and his bought for him by his boss after the husband grew jealous of my lovely laptop.

I was idly surfing the web when, thanks to the geniuses at "The Blair Necessities", I happened upon Lisa 'Blair from "The Facts of Life"' Whelchel's scrapbook account of "When Daddy Fell Off the Roof." It would seem that Lisa Whelchel's born again preacher husband fell off the roof putting up Christmas lights, a feat worthy of Homer Simpson, and Lisa's reaction was to run for her camera and start snapping away. (Now when people in my family have had serious accidents, my immediate reaction has been to toss whatever I'm holding aside, race to the person, evaluate their injuries, and arrange transportation to the nearest hospital. Lisa Whelchel's reaction is to grab her camera and get in the face of any mangled loved ones and crying child bystanders). Lisa later purchased schmaltzy, cutesy-pie stickers and created a hideous, yet compelling, scrapbook account of what was possibly the greatest trauma in her husband's life. I was laughing so hard tears coursed down my face, and I bit my hand to try to get a grip on myself.

This mirth disrupted the studious husband. "What is so funny?" I showed him "The Day Daddy Fell Off The Roof," but he was not amused. "That's not funny! It looks like that man was seriously hurt. Look, there are EMT's there." He sniffed and then complained that my laughter was disrupting him as he was "downloading podcasts of lectures on medical bioethics to put on my ipod." He attempted to engage me in a discussion of the ethics of frozen fetal embryo adoptions, but I chose instead to return to those magical memories Lisa Whelchel had recorded of The Day Daddy Fell Off The Roof.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ok, ok, I have to take back all my scrapbook bashing! this is good stuff!

hughman said...

if lisa welchel was my wife, i'd throw myself off the roof just to get a break away from her in the hospital. maybe "putting up the christmas lights" is code for "botched suicide attempt due to whackadoodle xian scrapbooking woman"

the Drunken Housewife said...

Dear Love Monkey (love your name, by the way), I agree with bashing regular scrapping, but at its highest level, scrapbooking is an amazing art, akin to the finest collage art. My friend Tammy(and sometimes commentator here, who uses names invoking Vermont and paper) does the most amazing scrapbooking ever, which is on a level with painting. What Tammy does is high art (she could be art-directing a magazine or painting, but she expresses herself in scrapbook design). What Lisa Whelchel does is gutwrenchingly hilariously wrong and tacky.

the Drunken Housewife said...

If Hughman and Lisa Whelchel were married, that would make for a riveting sitcom. Oh, if only the Holy Spirit had commanded Lisa W. to marry Hughman instead of Steve Cauble, the hilarity that would have ensued...

hughman said...

yes, the sitcom would be called "The Fags of Life".

"Daddy" falls off the roof and breaks his limbs. At the hospital, the staff confuses him with Ian Holms. Hilarity ensues.

silliyak said...

Somewhere I think I recall you mentioning the Petaluma Rat Man. If I wasn't dreaming that, here is the latest. http://www1.arguscourier.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070103/NEWS01/70102012

Karmyn R said...

too funny!!! -

Okay - I can see pictures in the hospital - but when you are lying there on the ground surrounded by Paramedics? (she has a serious scrapbooking addiction)


(came via Blogging Chicks - you are right next to me in line)

Anonymous said...

What's really sad is that during my marriage, I often hung the Christmas lights with only the companionship of a small child. And every year, I'd say, "If mommy falls off the ladder, go in the house and call 9-1-1."

But I never really thought I'd fall off, even though a good friend of mine did in fact do that, and broke 2 legs.

By the way, have you seen the movie, "Saved"?

the Drunken Housewife said...

I haven't seen "Saved" yet, but I really, really should. I have heard good things about it.

love bites said...

If Lisa Welchel makes you laugh, you'll love it. I grew up in a hyper-religious atmosphere when I was a kid, and I could totally relate to all of it.

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Baby Cakes said...

Oh please do. And do a flip while you're at. Because you're a disgusting human being who's mocking a woman that was forced into marriage with a man 2x her age. He was also suppressive and ruled over her while using god to do it.