Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I usually hate these things and musings on True Love

but this one was dead on for me, unlike most of these little bagatelles:

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you seek compromise and back down from conflict. You always try to smooth things out.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.


The only thing which is off-base is the judgment that "you seek compromise and back down from conflict. You always try to smooth things out." Ha, the Sober Husband wishes I backed down from conflict. I wasn't a litigator for nothing. We actually do get along very well day in and day out, but it's not from any fear of conflict.

The things which are surprisingly true and dead-on are the judgments that I would have a few True Loves and get over losing them well. That has been the case (although given the amount of interdependence we share, I would NOT get over the Sober Husband easily and will endeavor not to be in that position. We're what the codependent people call "enmeshed", all right. It's a complex business, keeping our carefully cosseted children, pets, and insane mortgage all on track, and it requires more than one grown-up to keep it all functioning).

The first time I fell in love and had my heart broken, I believed that I was destined to live a loveless life from then on. I thought that not everyone falls in love and that, for the ones who are fortunate enough to fall in love, that there is just one True Love apiece. If someone, like me, didn't manage to make a life with their love, then that was it. That person had been extremely lucky to find their one person and fall in love, but that was the end of their luck. (In retrospect, this was an artifact from my own rather loveless childhood, and perhaps, more positively, due to my parents' relationship dating from their own high school years).

My teen-aged nephew came to visit us the year before last, and he was brooding over the end of his first relationship. He expected us to feel sorry for him over this when he referred to it self-pityingly at the dinner table, and he was visibly shocked when Anton barked at him, "So you had your heart broken? Get used to it!" with a humorless laugh.

A bit more gently, I elaborated: "At your age, it's extremely unlikely that you're going to stay with the person you are with for ever. Probably not even 1 percent of sixteen year-olds stay with their high school girlfriend. You're going to be in lots of relationships, and you're going to get dumped and you're going to dump people."

"So get used to it!" Anton interjected again (the man clearly has some baggage from his own teen years which is best left unexamined). Our harsh advice had a salutary effect upon my nephew, who could be seen to enjoy the thought of dumping someone else in the future. It's a wonder more people don't turn to us for romantic advice.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I went and took the test. Only one of the results was accurate for me:

"In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it"

This is something I have had to work hard on over the years- knowing when to walk away from a fight- even when I know I'm right.

vt

Anonymous said...

I went and took the test too - it gave me the same results it gave you. I'll let you decide what that means.

Aya said...

-- Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.

-- You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

-- You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

-- In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it.

-- Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

I went to the bank the other day and the lady told me not to share my pin number with my boyfriend. I already knew this, and being the sarcastic teenage girl I am, I said, "Like he'd steal my money anyway."

She took this opportunity to tell me that he was probably going to dump me soon because of my age, and that would be the perfect time for him to betray me and steal from me.

The whole thing lapsed us both into an uncomfortable silence, to which I said, "Wow, imagine if I said that at my job (I work at an ice cream parlor)."

She gave me a blank look.

"Hey! Be sure not to eat too much of that ice cream! You'll get fat and your boyfriend will stop loving you. Have a nice day! :D"

She gave me another blank look.

"You just did that." I said.
"Oh." She laughed.

Slow.

Anonymous said...

Our harsh advice had a salutary effect upon my nephew, who could be seen to enjoy the thought of dumping someone else in the future. It's a wonder more people don't turn to us for romantic advice.

I'm not sure what the household slogan should be...

(1) I left my heart in San Francisco, and the therapists of Drunken-Sober sledgehammered it like Gallagher on a watermelon.

(2) Drunken-Sober -- proudly reforming masochists into sadists since 1997.

--
2amsomewhere

hughman said...

i did the test too.

mine just said i'm generally a f-ckin basket case and good luck trying to have a relationship ever again.

sigh. like i need to hear that. again.

Anonymous said...

oh hughman...
I am your soulmate and you are mine.
enough said.


plus, housewife, I appreciate this outlook on love. :)


susiederk

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! I got the same score as you DH!!!
but I soooo disagree with most of it!
what does a basement staircase have to do with it anyway?
LOL!

Anonymous said...

I know... what does a basement staircase have to do with it?! Fuck, I live in a very (small) artsy New England village, and everyone knows that you have to (at least!) descend 12 steps before fear steps in. And I don't expect it's like that every where. I fucking hate basements, and for that reason, I am careful not to run my dishwasher and microwave or toaster oven at the same time. period.

paperjunkie

HELLIOTT said...

i'm so there too on the basement thing.

Q - You're possibly about to enter into a dark, unknown relationship with a possibly crazy psycho person. They may (or may not) be tempting you into a dark pit of eternal hell and torment. How many steps are there?

A: I'M JUST TRYING TO KEEP MY SHOES ON!

Anonymous said...

wow, the comments' section took a whole crazy creative turn today.

the Drunken Housewife said...

I love all my commentators!

Hey! In San Francisco there are no basements to speak of. Our house is built right on bedrock, and you can actually go examine the rock (under part of our house, there is no foundation... just rock). I tried to explain to some San Franciscan children about a basement/"storm cellar" when reading the pop-up version of "The Wizard Of Oz" once.

The only basement for me, ever, will be the dark, cold, chilly one under the Maine house where I grew up. That's what came into my mind when I did the questions.