Friday, January 12, 2007

I want to run away and stop being a grown-up.

Childless people (and some fathers), no matter how old, don't have to be grown-ups. They can have one night stands or go to a bar after work or run off to Burning Man or sneak out of the office early to go to the movies or live on junk food.

Being a mommy forces me into being a grown-up all the time. I remember the first time I had to write a note to Iris's teacher excusing an absence, and I felt like an impostor. It felt so deeply, deeply wrong to be the parent writing the note, not the child asking for the note! (Mind you, I was pushing 40 at the time).

Last night, I lost my temper. I work hard to make nutritious and delightful meals which are suited to the palates of my children and husband, food which is good and comforting but also a reasonably healthy diet, only to have ungrateful children snub the vegetables and argue with my husband over whether it's reasonable of me to require a child to try the fucking roasted carrots (which were magnificent, by the way, and the children in question do not dislike carrots).

Last year we had days of acrimonious discussions in order to create "Family Food Rules", which was supposed to get rid of this issue, but I'm the only one in the world who is interested in abiding by this policy (which everyone signed, including Lola).

I'm sulking upstairs with my laptop, having just informed my husband that "I fucking quit" and "I am NOT having this fucking argument any more" and "you can all eat whatever trash you want for the rest of your lives, I am sick of this." I'm so sick of being a grown-up. (Now, mind you, the husband brings in the cash in our nauseatingly fifties-ish arrangement, and he must, in a supremely grown-up way, worry about financing our menage. But when it's his turn to make dinner, he's been known to call milkshakes or ice cream sundaes an entree).

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain! I left my sweet DH home with 3 of our 5 kids a few weeks ago. I called one morning and it sounded loud. I asked what was going on. He said he was making breakfast. I found out a week later that he was making breakfast at WAFFLE HOUSE! I thought he was flipping pancakes for the brood.

As for dinner, we don't have rules. However, I often say,"This is dinner. Eat it or starve. I don't care which."

I just cook it. If they don't want it, they know where the bread is.

Jenn said...

Oh I can so relate to this and in fact I've uttered the words "I fucking quit" more times than even I care to admit.

Btw, I found your blog via one of the mommy blogrolls and you're just cracking me up (the fact that I'm easily entertained doesn't count)

snowqueen said...

There are mommy blogrolls????

Anonymous said...

While I don't go to bars or go on romantic dates (though I'm not opposed to the latter, it's just no one offers and I don't ask because I'd cry when I'd get laughed at) I have been known to go directly to the movies from work and consider popcorn and water to have been my dinner.

You're welcome to join me if you want to run away from home for a couple of hours.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't I just bitching about this very thing! Tonight we ordered pizza- which was a big hit. The kids happily accepted the peanut butter and jam sandwiches Wednesday and Thursday.

vt

Anonymous said...

This is actually why I'm divorced. As a married woman, I had to be the sole adult in the home 30 days a month. As a single mother, I only have to act like a grownup 20 days a month. The rest of the time, i can drink too much and act stupid.

Of course, my ex acts that way 30 days a month, so that seems rather fair. I quit several times in the course of our marriage, and then I finally quit once and all.

I love being a mom, but I hated being HIS mother.

ALL ALONE IN A SMALL TOWN said...

I AM 40 YEARS OLD I HAVE A GREAT SMALL STAY AT HOME COMPANY MY DAUGHTER JUST MOVED OUT SHE'S 18 YRS OLD LAST JULY.. I DO NOT HAVE A BETTER HALF I DID DO HAVE A 40 YR OLD CHILD WHO STAYS WITH ME MOST OF THE TIME IN MY HOUSE. WHEN I SAY MY HOUSE I DO MEAN THE ONE I BOUGHT ALL BY MYSELF NOT LEFT TO ME OR THE HOUSE I LIVED WITH MY DAUGHTER'S FATHER OVER 15 YRS AGO.. THIS IS MY HOUSE!! AND THE 40 YR OLD CHILD IS WHAT MY BOYFRIEND OF 12 YRS!! I NEED A PARTNER I FEEL SO ALL ALONE I'M GOING TO RUN AWAY TO FROTT BRAGG ON FEB 26TH.. I HAVE A PLAN.. I DON'T WANT TO STOP BEING A GROWN-UP I JUST WANT TO BE AROUND OTHER GROWN-UPS..