Today I was hanging out with my friend Joyce and "the Baby Violet" (Iris and Lola always refer to Joyce's toddler as "The Baby Violet"). Joyce and the Baby Violet were waiting in the car while I walked Lola to preschool, and when I came back, I found Joyce chatting with a friend, whom she introduced to me. The woman gave me a steely look and said, "Aren't you the one who almost ran over my dog yesterday?"
"No, not me."
"Are you sure? A fluffy white dog? Right here?"
Do I look like a dog-murderer (dog attempted-murderer?)? I assured the woman that if I'd nearly run over her dog, I'd have stopped to apologize, but she was not swayed. I didn't even drive down that street the day in question. It wasn't a matter of confused automobile identification, either, as we were using Joyce's car, not my ancient Oldsmobile (which sports a PETA sticker on the back). It seems so weird to me that if someone meets a friend-of-a-friend, their first reaction would be to accuse that person of something. Joyce vouched for me, saying, "She's a vegetarian! She's an animal lover!" but I was left suspecting that this new acquaintance was not convinced. She probably went home and called her friends, saying, "You know how someone tried to run over my dog yesterday? Turns out she's some friend of Joyce's."
God I can't stand people like that. They want to be angry too badly.
Speaking of which, aren't you the one who slept with my husband? A fluffy white husband?
Are you the one who cut in line at King of Thai Noodle on Union?!
It must have been that purple streak in your hair. You know, purple hair just screams "I run over people's dogs!" Aim for her next time, not the dog.
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