Yesterday I made the children go hiking in Marin, since we were all in desperate need of some exercise and I felt like seeing some nature. This was a deeply unwelcome activity to the children. As Iris noted, "If you wanted me to be so into nature, why did you have me in a city?"
At one point we crossed a creek on a little board bridge. Crabby fourth-grader Iris said vehemently, "I could fall and hit my head!" I had a hard time restraining my laughter. Iris upped the ante.
"If I fall, I am going to sue you!"
"I'm not going to send any children who sue me to summer camp." (Iris uber Alles has taken to perusing summer camp websites like a adolescent boy looks at porn).
"I could have a concussion! I could die! I am going to sue you!"
"If you sue me, I am NEVER sending you to summer camp, and I'm not having any more birthday parties for you, ever."
"Stop threatening me!"
"You threatened me first!"
"I stopped threatening you, so you stop threatening me."
omg, just call your house gray gardens and get it over with.
Does her school have prelaw courses?
I've recently taught the boy in our house to pull his shirt collar over the top of his head and say, "I AM THE GREAT CORHOLIO! ARE YOU THREATENING ME? I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!"
I did this mostly because it makes me laugh, but also because it tortures my friend's wife, who absolutely hates Beavis and Butthead and once told me it was completely unsuitable for kids.
He made me explain what a bunghole was. I told him, of course. It's how you get pickles out of the pickle barrel. Then he wanted to know why you would need TP for that. Hmmm...
He liked the threatening part, though. We can go on back and forth for quite a while, "Are you threatening me?" "No, are YOU threatening me?!?" Eventually, my wife tires of the noise and leaves the room.
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