Wednesday, April 11, 2007

jokes of our lives

Iris Uber Alles had a huge hit in pre-k with this joke (which we gleaned off a cereal box): Where does the penguin keep his money? In a snowbank! If you're ever struggling for conversation with a five or six year-old, you might want to break that one out.

Lola is currently in the knock-knock phase, and her biggest hit to date has been Knock knock! Who's there? Lo. Lo who? Lola! Lola is the only family member with original material. She slayed her mother at age three when she interrupted her mother's matutinal coffee moment with a request: "I need coffee.... COFFEE ICE CREAM!" The child is a comedy natural, with rhythmn and timing.

The Sober Husband's best joke was one he used to tell after we came back from spending a month in Israel: "I'm Jewish enough to tell Jewish jokes. There's a town with only three Jews living there. How many synagogues do they have? Three: one for each Jew to attend and one for them to boycott." This was usually followed by remarks such as "and it's so true." We either read this one in the New Yorker or heard it in Jerusalem. I'm a WASP, so it's not for me to tell.

I'm not much for canned jokes, but this one is my all-time favorite and really killed when I told it soaking in the nude hot spring at Saline Valley years ago with a bunch of strangers under the stars: "Why can't the vacuum cleaner reach Nirvana? Because it has too many attachments."


Silliyak said...

Can you hear my one hand clapping? They all meet with my low standards for humor. (That means I'll be stealing them)

Anonymous said...

knock knock.

who's there?

tinker belle.

tinker belle who?

tinker belle is broken, so i had to knock.

hughman said...

i don't have any jokes.

my jokes involve old people and how life turns out. not very funny,

knock knock.

who's there?


death who?

gott segne dich!

that's all i got.

JKG said...

What did the circle say to the 8?

(wait for it)

"Nice belt."

lonerhino said...

Two cannibals are standing on opposite sides of a large pot. A clown is standing in the boiling water.

One cannibal says to the other

"Does this taste funny to you?"

Sorry. Not an auspicious first post at all I'm afraid.

Anonymous said...

LOL, Loner Hino!

Anonymous said...

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Control freak--OK, now you say: "control freak who?"

hughman said...

so a man buys a parrot.

he gets the parrot home and the parrot is nothing but trouble. the parrot curses, spits, tries to bite him and is generally a pain in the ass.

one day the parrot is acting up so much and causing so much trouble that in a fit of exasperation, the man throws the parrot in the freezer.

finally, after a few minutes of silence he opens the fridge and out pops the parrot.

"i'm so sorry sir" says the parrot. "i apologize for being so much trouble and i'll never behave badly again...

also, what did the chicken do?"

hughman said...

why did the cookie crumble?

because his mom was a wafer so long.

lonerhino said...

I told my doctor that my penis was burning' He said "That just means someone is talking about it."

Lone Rhino

but Loner Hino seems more acurate somehow.

Anonymous said...

this is my favorite comments section so far!

hughman said...

LOL. i thought it was loner hino too!

Trouble said...

There were two peanuts walking through the park. One of them was assaulted.

Like Silliyak, I also have incredibly low humor standards. But I think your kids rock with their jokes and their bad selves. ;)

Almost Vegetarian said...

How do you make a strawberry shake?

Take it to a scary movie!

There is just something so wonderful about kid's jokes, isn't there?


Anonymous said...

Kids' jokes rock. This one not only entertained my six- or seven-year-old niece for weeks, it won me a dirty look from her parents, too:
Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A. Bunny farts.

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't that be four synagogues?
The way I heard it was this way: This old Jewish guy gets shipwrecked on a desert island. After a long time a ship finally comes to rescue him. He's showing his rescuers around the island: That's the sleeping hut, that's the cooking hut, this one over here is the temple. One of the rescuers points to another hut and asks, what about that one over there? Eh, says the old guy, that's the other temple. I wouldn't be caught dead in there...

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