Sunday, February 05, 2012

depressed depressed depressed

Life has no flavor or joy for me (and I'm not even a football aficionado).

I'm slogging my way through "Los Detectives Salvajes" by Roberto BolaƱo, currently on page 520, and enjoying only one out of every fifteen pages or so.  How did this become an international blockbuster?  And why did I devote so much energy into obtaining a copy in the original Spanish?

I'm having that horrible feeling again, that I myself am so profoundly unlikeable by my basic nature, not through anything I do or say.

And of course being in a funk like this is asinine.  I have a lovely, lovely life.  Only a horrible person would be unhappy in such a delightful set of circumstances as mine.  The only thing which makes sense as kickstarting this funk is that I had to give up my three foster kittens yesterday, the last from the season.  The vet at the city pound joked with me that the head of my rescue is also at loose ends, given that it's a drought year so there's no good skiing to be had and that we don't have newborn kittens yet.  Crazy cat ladies, maybe it's our time of the year to be down.


Claire M. Johnson said...

You are too intelligent not to know that depression is not necessarily related to circumstances. Lots of people with marvelous lives get depressed. Please call your doctor. I hate to see you suffering like this. Clearly, body chemistry is not your friend. Your wonderful life is no match for fucked-up body chemistry.

On the book front, I bitch-slapped the book, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" in my blog. I'm flabbergasted as to WHY this book (and its spawns, although I've only read the one) is so popular. Seriously, it defies understanding. I had to force myself to keep reading it just so I could write a review.

the Drunken Housewife said...

Claire, I felt that way about those books. I actually did enjoy the first one, but I thought the 2nd and 3d ones sucked. How did they become such int'l blockbusters? I'm not going to the movies. I can really get very sarcastic about the plot of the 3d book in particular.

Sweetie, I am actually on antidepressants. It wd be worse if I weren't.

Claire M. Johnson said...

Yeah, but you lost a lot of weight recently and maybe your medication isn't working properly. Body chemistry, especially for women, is tricksy. What might have worked in the past may no longer be appropriate.

I swear I'm in danger of becoming such a goddamn crank. I'm dissatisfied with nearly every book that I pick up. Not so much with non-fiction, I've actually read a couple of gems this year, but fiction? Phooey! The bar is VERY low these days. And yet people can't get published. I'm resorting to self-publishing next book (which is not a mystery) because I've shopped it for the last year and a half and still no sale.

Anyway, Barcelona? OLE!

I have a work-related gig in Lisbon this fall and I'm trying to shoe horn my husband into joining me for some R&R (as my youngest will be heading off to college this fall). Empty nest here we come!

the Drunken Housewife said...

What nonfiction did you read that you loved? Do tell!

I loved "The Magicians" by Lev Grossman and "The Family Fang" by Kevin Wilson and "The Night Circus" by Erin Morgenstern. I am struggling, struggling with "Los Detectives Salvajes" still.

the Drunken Housewife said...

p.s. It really sucks that after 2 good fiction books, you can't get a non-fic published and have to resort to self-publishing. That really bothers me.

Claire M. Johnson said...

Yes, I loved the The Magicians, too, although I had problems with Quentin because as a character he never moves, which became a REAL issue in the sequel; a more uneven book was never written. Have you read it yet? Parts of it soared and yet the Quentin parts sank like the proverbial stone. Like most books I read these days, it needed another six months. On the Goodreads page it seems the arc was very different than what actually appeared on the shelves so I'm guessing there was a tremendous amount of re-write done between the arc and the printing. I have the Night Circus on my TBR pile. Can't wait!

The Cleopatra biography by Schiff knocked my frigging socks off. I have no interest in that time period, but it was so beautifully written.

What can I say? Publishing is crazycakes right now. I thought I'd capitalize on the Austen craze and wrote a modern pastiche of Pride and Prejudice where the Elizabeth Bennett character is a no-name author (coughcough) and Darcy is a publisher. It's a lot about in writing in genre, trying to keep one's head above water and satisfying yourself (a part that often gets lost in the kid thing) and making sure your kids don't eat cereal for dinner. It's fairly faithful to the original plot. People who've read it, like it, but no sale. I'll ping you when it's ready and send you a PDF if you like. It's not great literature, but it's a decent way to spend a couple of hours.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with this. It won't help, but I'm in the same boat---slogging through life, being overtaken by the crushing agony of simply existing.

I'm rooting for you.

Silliyak said...

Losing weight can release chemicals that were stored in the lost fat.

the Drunken Housewife said...

Thank you Anonymous, every one of these comments is meaningful. Wish I could share a hug & a cocktail w/you!

Silliyak, you are the king of common sense. I wish you were around all day to keep coming out with these remarks. I did lose nearly 40 lbs in the last five months, and that's a lot of toxins in there. Maybe the 5 lbs I lost over the last week were the unhappy pounds setting me into a funk.

the Drunken Housewife said...

Claire, I loved "The Magician Kings", the second one of those. Especially the scenes toward the end, with the hedge witches doing their summoning... powerful, powerful writing. I wasn't as bothered by Quentin's Gen X affectlessness as you were... I think he's supposed to be Holden Caulfieldesque. The books worked well enough for me that Quentin didn't wreck them.

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Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for responding to my comment. (I posted as Anonymous---I don't understand the other ways of commenting---I'm not that net-savvy.) I've truly felt so alone lately that your response couldn't possibly mean more.

I'm a long-time reader. I always love to see how you are doing & find out the latest craziness with Iris Uber Alles & little Lola.

I also have a crazy kiddo, and used to be a lawyer (though never high-powered).

Nothing sounds better than sharing a hug & a cocktail with you. :)

Here's hoping we both crawl out of the depths soon.

Sara :)

the Drunken Housewife said...

Dear Sara,

We former lawyers turned depressed mommies must stick together. Thank you for delurking!

Anonymous said...

Yep, we need to stick together.

Sara :)

Christian Dating UK said...

My dear, just turn on that 'all seasons of 'Friends'' dvd, worship yourself with a huge portion of ice-cream and let all the wrong thouts be lost!!!