Saturday, December 09, 2006

weird, weird, weird, weird, weird, & weird

A frequent reader/commenter, 2AMSomewhere, has tagged the Drunken Housewife with a blogger "meme": "THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the ‘6 weird things about you.’ People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog.” The Drunken Housewife has hated chain letters ever since, as a small child, she joined in a send-a-postcard chain and was bitterly disappointed to get nothing out of it. Hence, she refuses to formally tag anyone. However, it is an occasional feature of this blog that the drunken author writes a post on the topic of a reader's choice, and so she will honor this request and treat this as Number Three in an Occasional Series: Reader's Requests. All readers of the blog are invited to add, in a comment, six weird things about themselves, and the writer of the best comment will receive, as a prize, a post written about the topic of their choice (no holds barred).

So, here we go:

WEIRD #1: My father is a self-proclaimed faith healer, and growing up, our family always had to do these painfully awkward laying-on-of-hands praying rituals. None of those ever achieved anything so far as I know.

WEIRD #2: I suffered from a rare syndrome in which I had multiple episodes of aseptic meningitis, resulting in numerous hospitalizations. A neurologist who saw me for this told me he was writing an article on me because mine was the worst case of this syndrome he'd ever heard of. Thankfully he was correct in telling me that I would eventually stop getting meningitis, as (knock on wood) my last episode was in 1996.

WEIRD #3: I was for a brief time engaged to two different men at the same time.

WEIRD #4: In my intensely Christian phase as a virtuous teenager, I used to fast every year from Good Friday until Easter morning, so I would be conscious of the suffering of Christ. (I was also borderline anorexic, so this served the ulterior motive of allowing me to be freakish about food without getting my parents mad at me).

WEIRD #5: My first fiance was a former SEAL who habitually slept with an authentic samurai sword which was declared a national treasure of Japan and had been smuggled out. When he went out of town, he requested that I sleep with the sword for self-protection. (I was completely untrained in swordplay and probably would have stabbed myself if there had been an intruder).

WEIRD # 6: I once whipped a masochistic man so hard one New Year's Eve that I sprained both my wrists.

And there you have it. Six unusual facts about one Drunken Housewife. Share your own in the comments.

Addendum: Regular reader and commentator Hughman says, with an audible sniff, that these facts were just not weird. Interesting, maybe, but not weird. I think that I don't have a good enough grip on "weird" these days. What is weird? What is normal? Someone once told a friend of mine, "Carole and Anton are the weirdest people I've ever met." My friend refused, irritatingly enough, to tell me who had said that. My response: "If I'm the weirdest person someone has ever met, they need to get out of the house more."

Anyway, here are a couple of bonus, possibly-weird-but-what-then-what-is-weird-in-this-day-and-age facts:

- Once I had sex in the bathroom at our preschool during a mandatory parents' meeting;


- I once breastfed a fussy baby while getting a full Brazilian wax. I felt that I should have gotten a gold medal for an Outstanding Feat of Insane Power Mothering for that.


Anonymous said...

weird #1 - i don't think any of the DHs things are that weird, just funny and/or interesting.

weird #2 - i've lived with having HIV/AIDS for half of my whole life (i'm 45)

weird #3 - i travelled around europe for 3 months by myself when i was 15 (including soviet russia)

weird #4 - danial boone is my great great uncle.

weird #5 - i've been in a relationship with a tony, emmy and oscar nominee. (seperately)

bonus weird - i could easily add 5 more.

Anonymous said...

ROFL. still not weird. sorry.

but fascinating! and amusing! and clever!!

sex with 200 other men in the balcony of a disco at 5AM?

being a scout for a gay porn studio?

hee hee. you've been a wild girl and im v. ptoud of u.

does this mean i lost the contest??

the Drunken Housewife said...

I think you may win on the gay porn scout thing, but we have to leave it open for other contestants to join in (a lot of people are online only from their boring old offices, and we should give them a little crack). But anyhow, it occurred to me that I had Sex On The Brain yesterday and that seeped into my writing.

Really, here are probably the weirdest things about me:

* For a time, I had a pet rat who was allowed to live free and loose in my apartment, as an equal to the humans. He used to steal money and hide it under the easy chair, and when I moved out, I found all kinds of weird stuff, like a bra of mine with food hoarded away in it, behind some books on a bookshelf.

* When I was in Israel, I wrote down the names of all the pet rats I'd had on little pieces of paper and wedged them into the Wailing Wall.

* I burned a flag once.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha, you are some kinda lady.

Hmm...I can't think of anything weird to say about myself. I think maybe I'm in denile. I'll ask some other people.

Ah, friends are helpful. Heres what they came up with:

Weird #1 - I'm 17 (childless) and carry a mom bag. A big bag full of everything any of my friends or I happen to need.

Weird #2 - I somtimes act like a crazy lesbian to ward off guys who like my friends. "Get off of my woman! Don't you know her vagina is mine?!"

Weird #3 - When I'm bored I make up songs and dance. Most of my friends remember the waffle dance, in which I sang about waffles to the tune of "Hey Jude". "Hey waffle, don't make me fat. With your surup, and strawberryyy"

Weird #4 - My mothers maiden name was Goosemen.

Weird #5 - There's not that much that's weird about you .

Weird #6 - Nobody knoows.

2amsomewhere said...

I once whipped a masochistic man so hard one New Year's Eve that I sprained both my wrists.

Who is this woman, that even her acts of sadism are masochistic? I'm not sure if that makes you as sadist's sadist or a masochist's masochist.

As an act of gratitude for playing along with the meme, I'll thrown in some of my runners up.

1) When I was a small child, my dad played in a rock/soul cover band that had a black lead singer, to whom I referred as "Uncle Fred". This cause some dismay in my granparents, I'm told.

2) I am one of the few developers who has worked on both the computational core and user interface of a major technical computing application.

3) Although I majored in chemical engineering, I took a lot of extra math classes because I tested out of calculus as a freshman. I could have changed my major to math as a junior and still graduated on time.

4) I did two internships in Germany during my college years. The first one was at a packaging company in the southwestern part of what was then West Germany. The guy I worked under was an Indonesian with a love for classic rock. I helped him transcribe the lyrics for Eric Clapton's "Tulsa Time" because he couldn't make out what Slow Hands was singing.

5) I got my first gray hairs at the age of 18.

6) I like the Abba song "S.O.S."

Freewheel said...

You know, all of your weird things would be primo blog material.

I'll have to get back to you later on what makes me weird.

Anonymous said...

In my effort to come up with a list of 6 weird things about myself, I have decided that I've lived a relatively *safe* life.

Weird #1: I believed having sex on a wooden structure at the public playground was weird until I learned about C&A's bathroom experience. But since I'm boring, it's going on the list.

Weird #2: I once passed out for hours during the night in front of a campfire at a very busy campground wearing nothing but a t-shirt.

Weird #3: The other night, in a drunken state of mind, I stayed up half the night guarding the Christmas tree, fearful that someone was going to steal it. I don't remember this. My husband was quick mention it when pointing out the extent of the intoxication.

Weird #4: I almost drown twice as a child.

Weird #5: Hetty Green, better known as the Witch of Wallstreet is buried in a cemetary within walking distance of my home. And there is some relation between my family and Hetty's husbands family.

Weird #6: My father has won several turkey calling championships.

Anonymous said...

I can't think of very many, but I'll try.

1) I didn't get a driver's license until I was over 30.

2) I almost always wear socks unless I'm in the shower or swimming. Sometimes 2 pairs at once!

3) I put celery in chili. (Everyone tells me how weird this is!)

4) Sorry to gross you out, but I took a taxidermy class in college, which taught me how to prepare an animal skin to be preserved for scientific research or use in a natural history museum (we weren't doing deer heads or anything like that.)

5) I took a bath with my ex-husband's new wife, the morning after their wedding.

Anonymous said...

Ah hah! Thank you 2amsomewhere!

Weird number something:
I got my first grey hair at 15. :D

Anonymous said...

"That I'm kind of smarter than a bunch of older people, in a way."

It is weird that she gets that so early on :D