Wednesday, October 25, 2006

God, I love Google

Through the magic of the Blogflux people, I can see the google searches people have used which have led them to the Drunken Housewife. Here are my most recent favorites:

a foreigner in her native land This is sadly all too true, especially when I venture out of my special adopted homeland, the Bayeria. The last time I visited a red state, I unintentionally got into a number of arguments about politics and began to think I was going to have to fight my way out: "The Drunken Housewife's Escape From Red Island."

drunken housewife Panama
I did go to Panama once, how did they know? I got pretty spectacularly drunk there, as well (as opposed to such destinations as Austria and France, where I was rather modest in my consumption), making it quite a propos for finding this blog.

when is ringworm in kittens not contagious anymore
Answer: when hell freezes over.

housewife+farting We'll leave the fart jokes to the children, please.

mr. clean and housewife costumes How hard could that be? People, please. We must do SOME of our thinking for ourselves.

rapt housewife (sounds so poetic)

dollhouse miniatures foods sardines tins How the hell does that lead to me? Was I 1,299th of 5,775 possibilities, and the first 1,298 failed to satisfy?

drugged housewives
(I wish).

crabby housewives clip art When you find some, let me know.

yogurt tequila drinks If I were drunk enough, I would try one, but I'm not going to walk into a bar anytime soon and ask, "Can ya make me somethin' with yogurt and tequila? And maybe a cherry?"

"fucking short stories"

tuesday subway sandwich special petaluma

vegetables that can't be found in the philippines
I didn't get served any eggplants or rutabagas when I lived there; is that helpful to anyone?

+"study" +"homeopathy" +"screenwriter" +"baby"

"the simpsons" + "smokes butter"
I told Iris about this one, and it made her happy. She loves to rant about how Homer smoked butter.

using orthodontic elastics on braids
This is so basic a concept that it causes one to wonder: Why the hell is someone googling that? Just put the frigging elastics on the end of the braids! Did you think it would straighten curly hair? Or were you concerned that angry orthodontists would pluck the elastics out of your child's hair?

buck naked bare bottom boys This is not so funny, as I was an auditory witness to Buck Naked's death. I miss you, Buck Naked. There will never be another video as perfect as your "Teenage Pussy From Outer Space".

DRUNKEN RAT My first pet rat got drunk once. I was enrapt in a phone conversation, and when Husband 1.0 yelled at me, I noticed my rat hanging from his hind legs into my cup of sake, sucking it down feverishly. He ran around kind of crazily for awhile, and then laid down blearily in his cage for the rest of the night. I imagine he had the cage-spins, poor thing.

pictures of mid age housewives (sorry, maybe someday)

and the winner for Best Google Search Yet That Ended Up Here:

just ate soup i scraped mold off

I only hope I was of some meager help to you, dear moldy-soup eater, and that you have recovered fully from your fateful meal.

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