Sunday, January 20, 2013

the healthy lifestyle doesn't pay off

I.  Feeling like crap:  Lately I've been suffering from headaches, pounding headaches every day.  This is particularly maddening because I'm exercising, eating healthily, staying hydrated, getting lots of sleep, and avoiding alcohol.  The other day I woke up with a horrific headache, worse than a hangover, and this irked me more when I pondered that I hadn't had a single sip of alcohol in over three days.

II.  Looking like crap:  As part of his "Pacifying The Hostile, Crazy Wife" program, the Sober Husband bought us tickets to an annual event I'd long wanted to attend, the Edwardian Ball.  I'd never tried to attend as the tickets are expensive, it tends to sell out, and it requires buying new clothes, a thing normally despised and avoided by the Sober Husband.  But!  I had complained bitterly that he never arranges for us to do fun things as a couple, and he was hellbent on proving that wrong, and he even initiated some shopping expeditions to get us outfitted.

I visited Dark Gardens, San Francisco's famous corset store, as part of the planning for the Edwardian ball.  There I tried on a corset and was appalled.  Somehow I looked fatter in it than out. Practically every fat San Franciscan woman I know relies upon corsets to make herself look amazing and desirable, but yet when I, who has lost fifty friggin' pounds, put one on, I looked significantly heavier.  

Even odder than that was that I appeared relatively flat-chested in the corset.  Somehow my natural DDs looked like Bs.  This made no sense to me, as usually women with small breasts look amazingly buxom once they are hoisted up by a corset.

I was so depressed by what I saw in the mirror at the Dark Gardens' fitting room that I felt like taking to my bed and never appearing in public again.  A supportive friend shared that she, too, had tried on a corset, thinking it would work the same magic for her it does for every chubby woman she knows, and she had also ended up looking both fatter and flatter.  "My D cups looked like someone with B cups trying to look wenchy",  she said, and, as misery adores company,  this cheered me up.  Also, I was cheered up by the thought of saving the over $500 that the Dark Gardens corset would have cost.

But still, after all this freaking healthy living, I should feel divine and look like a goddess in a corset.  "That just goes to show that all that health stuff is stupid," opined a child.

5 comments:

La Vikinga said...

I may have an explanation for the headaches: it's possible you are clenching your jaws while you sleep. This is not the same thing as grinding ones teeth, but results in over worked jaw muscles and pounding head aches. Wearing an OTC mouth guard to bed might help (romantic, it is not), and/or a dreaded visit to a dentist for a consult might be wise, too.

As to the corset, this is simple. Perhaps you've been trying on the wrong cut/style. I'm a 36F, wasp-waisted and absolutely cannot wear a flat front corset because they make me look just as you've described.
The solution is a steel boned corset with sweetheart cut top. While whittling your waist is important, you're going to want a corset that is large enough to support your globes of wonder, but not squish them flat and push them into your armpits. It's important that you find one with a nice modestly panel in the back so you can loosen the lacing at the top for boob room without showing large expanse of your back--unless that's a look you want. I've had amazing success with corset-story.com both in fit, style, and price. I especially like their steampunk corsets.

So happy to see you're still hanging in there. I don't think you realize how many people your blog touches.

the Drunken Housewife said...

Thank you, LaVikinga, for both the warm words (and it's true: it often feels like blogging is writing in a void) & the corset advice. I am so getting something from corset-story.com at some point.

Anonymous said...

Hey !
I don't know anything about corsets, I tried one once and it was a miserable experiment :o)
But concerning your headhaches, I'd think it comes from your healthier way of life... crazy, I know ! But your body is slowly getting rid of all the crap that's inside, and the toxins are expressing themselves one last time ! Don't worry, it will soon stop !
(english is not my mother tongue, sorry for any mistake !)

NonymousGoatsePants said...

Youy should see MY boobs in a corset!

Ivan Grieve said...

It's puzzling that your efforts to lead a healthy lifestyle are giving you such symptoms. What Anonymous here said may be true - that your body is ridding of all that toxins inside your body. One thing that you can be thankful is that there are no pimple breakouts that may contribute to the symptoms. Just continue and soon, all your difficulties will be soon go away and a healthier you will emerge.