Monday, December 13, 2010

but... what am I supposed to do between 2 and 4 a.m.?

My insomnia is acting up, and the World of Warcraft is down. This is highly irritating to me, as it is my wont to amuse myself during the worst of my insomnia playing Warcraft. I took a look at the customer service forum online, and I saw that thousands of players had already whined to Blizzard about it. Insomniacs everywhere were at various levels of pissed-offedness, but one named Sither, a level 85 Night Elf druid, stood apart:
I can't LOG IN, Blizzard! This is an EASILY SOLVEABLE PROBLEM that could be fixed by A TRAINED MONKEY IN A JAUNTY HAT, for crying out loud! This is THE START OF THE EXPANSION and you have MILLIONS OF PEOPLE who paid to play this game with REAL DOLLARS. They didn't play to SIT IN FRONT OF THEIR COMPUTER AND WEEP GENTLY, did they?

Because WORLD OF WARCRAFT IS INCREDIBLY SERIOUS BUSINESS, I am prepared to attempt to kill myself by drinking TWO ENTIRE BOTTLES of lemonade (I get 2.25L bottles of a lesser-known brand because they are A PRETTY GOOD DEAL) and attempting to AVOID GOING TO THE BATHROOM until my insides rupture.

Since this MIGHT TAKE A WHILE, consider this my ULTIMATUM. If your login servers go up before I DIE OF CARBONATED INTERNAL ORGAN FAILURE, then I will continue playing your EXTREMELY FINE GAME. If not then my death will be on YOUR HEAD because you made BASICALLY THE WORST MAINTANED GAME EVER.

I expect a BLUE POST [a response from a Blizzard employee] in FIVE MINUTES or I am uncapping the first bottle. Drinking from a glass though, chugging from the bottle is for people who are NOT WEARING VERY NICE SHIRTS.


Silliyak said...

Insert scene from Blazing Saddles..."Step back men, he's serious!"

midwestspitfire said...

That is pretty much the best thing in the history of ever.

Anonymous said...

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read!!!!! I especially appreciate that the lemonade was "A PRETTY GOOD DEAL"! :p

Perhaps the finest threat I've ever heard.

(I'd really like to meet that person.)

GodsKid said...

I agree; I was just thinking I'd probably like the person who wrote that!

I don't play Warcraft, but i was just reminiscing about D&D dungeons from ages past.....

Yvette said...

This is totally why I read the forums. So many trolls, so many flame outs but every once in awhile a gem like this. Thank you so much for sharing it. P.S. Does the underwater world make anyone else woozy?