Thursday, November 20, 2008

it's my birthday

Other people get depressed on Christmas or Valentine's Day. Those are always fine by me; I enjoy them each time they roll around. For me, my birthday is the depressing day, the one where I feel unloved and unwanted.

I tried to explain to Lola yesterday afternoon why I felt sad, and she exploded. "That is crazy! Everyone loves Mommy!"

"Well, actually, not everyone even likes Mommy."

Lola shook her head with impatience at me. "Everyone loves Mommy!"

There are no plans to celebrate, as it's a school night and my complex feelings about my birthday prevent me from planning anything nice for it. The Sober Husband had told me that I should plan something, but that strikes at the heart of the birthday issues: if I plan something for my own birthday, that demonstrates that I'm the only one who cares about it. A plan coming from the outside is the only thing that would be acceptable. (I can see that being married to me can be very tiresome).

On the bright side, the children presented me with gifts this morning already, gifts clearly bought ahead of time by the Sober Husband: a beautiful necklace with dark pearls, white pearls, and an Australian agate, and a copy of "The Gaming Life" by Jim Rossignol, which begins "In May 2000 I was fired from my job as a reporter on a finance newsletter because of an obsession with a video game. It was the best thing that ever happened to me." I feel better already.


Anonymous said...


We all love you! Heck, my morning is not complete if there is nothing new to read at the DH blog. And yet you don't know me from Adam (or Eve) and I may have commented once before. If that!

Enjoy the fact that you exist!

Silliyak said...

Tell SH to get you a massage and/or a spa day. You need to be pampered.

kaila said...

Happy Birthday M'dear. Sit back and enjoy that book.
Hope you have a wonderful day regardless of what you do.

BTW: I took you up on The Gone Away World and just finished the first chapter. It's gonna be a winner.

Amy said...


Epiphany said...

Happy birthday from one of your whyves! I hope you have a good one.

FWIW, it's sometimes possible to get people to remember your birthday by dropping hints about it before the date arrives. My friend K, whose birthday is, coincidentally, also today, told me a couple of days back that it was her birthday. Last night we had a meeting of a group we're doing together, and I surprised her with a birthday cake. :)

Another thing you can do is get one of your girlfriends to consult with SH on how to make your birthday memorable. I often do this for husbands and boyfriends of friends who are celebration-challenged (restaurant reservations, shopping for gifts, etc.). It's definitely made a couple of my women friends much happier!

M said...

well, Miss Lola speaks for *me* in this important matter... love you!

I used to have that same birthday malaise/feeling that no one would remember and that planning my own birthday was an indication that I was lame and no one loved me. turns out it was actually an indication that people are busy and when I somehow managed to start planning my own birthday, I started having MUCH better birthdays.

that said, it seems like the DH is getting better at it. I hope you are lovingly pampered for the rest of your day and that this new year is full of love, laughter, and good reading.

<3, - M

Petrooshka said...

Happy birthday wishes! I hope these little messages add up to an undeniable sense of being loved!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday dear Drunken Housewife xxx

I think it is perfectly reasonable to want someone else to plan your birthday. I understand that need completely.


Dread Pirate Davi said...

Happy Birthday!!

(And I totally get it about the plans. This year I refused to make plans for once. And...nothing happened. co-workers got me cookies.)

Steve said...

Happy Birthday Carole!
I look forward to reading a review of The Gaming Life. Much love to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Bappy Hirthday!

Jennifer Baum said...

Happy birthday DH! It's been SO long, we miss you! I hope you can take Lola's words to heart.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! Hope it's a fine one.

Carol Ann said...

Happy birthday. We all love you!

Freewheel said...

Happy birthday! Maybe a special birthday cocktail would cheer you.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! Enjoy your presents.

JKG said...

That's a good start.

I'm glad I met you.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! Remember, you're only as young as you act, and we can still act like spoiled, immature teenagers, can't we?

Unknown said...

Hi again, Carole. Your blog just confirms what I knew back in the early '80's: u r brilliant.


2amsomewhere said...

A very happy (and belated) birthday to you!

No one who lives her life with meaning is without enemies.

I know that my own life's story has been enriched by the influence of your advice, and I am proud to count myself among Lola's notion of "Everyone".

(raises a virtual glass of sangria in your honor)

Anonymous said...

Gosh, I hope the Hughman is okay. I don't see any notes from him. Prayin for ya, Hughman.

hughman said...

dear godskid -

thank you for your kind interest in my well-being. i've been having problems lately including problems with my well being.

i have been in contact with the DH since her birthday, including sending her a gift that i hope she enjoys.

i love all of you here and will continue to read and be very interested in how the DH and her family are doing. since i no longer have a family, they serve as a surrogate for me.


thi said...

I know what you mean about your birthday. Mine is between turkeys and Santa, and I never was one to have massive displays growing up.

Now that I am married and have 3 great kids, I'd rather they spent six hours cleaning the house than buying me a gift at a store, no matter how well thought out it was.

Plus there's the whole guy thing ("I just go get what I need") sometimes and screw up carefully planned gift purchases by Mrs. Thi.

thi said...