Friday, March 07, 2008

I suck.

Lately I've been fostering a couple of reject cats left over from last kitten season. I have "Tux", a psychotically timid black and white cat, and "Peter Robin Rabbit" a/k/a "Defecto", a very confident young cat who is partially blind in one eye and appears to have an incurable upper respiratory infection. Today it was a spectacularly nice day, and I left the back door open for some time to air out the house, as is my wont. Iris and I think that Tux sneaked out the back and is lost to us. Words cannot convey how awful I feel about this. I am such an idiot. I've kept that door shut punctiliously for weeks, and now today I felt like airing the house out, and it was a tragic error. God, I suck.

On that note, I also forgot Iris's piano lesson today. I was congratulating myself on remembering to put out the trash and move my car to avoid street cleaning day but I forgot the frigging piano lesson. Sigh.

I feel so terrible. I have left out a can of tuna for Tux, but I despair of ever capturing her again.

Meanwhile, the Sober Husband's lifelong friend died today. The Sober Husband and another long-term friend were the only ones present at the actual moment of the death. The friend's parents accused the friend's wife of "letting him die." Dear Lord Goddess, when the day comes I have three different types of cancer and can only be sustained by a ventilator and extreme medical interventions, please do not let anyone argue over switching the ventilator off. Thanking you in advance, your pathetic servant, the Drunken Housewife.

Update: Tux is okay, but still out of the house. She is using the crawl space as a homebase, but she's coming out to socialize with Frowst (and then ducking back into hiding when people come near). She ate some cat food we put out for her. I think we'll get her back in the house at some point, and in the meantime, I feel better now she's coming out into sight occasionally. I talked to her old foster parent and learned that Tux was living on the street and was tormented by boys who threw rocks at her, which is probably why she's so obsessively scared of people.


Silliyak said...

Please don't beat yourself up. You seem to be doing a masterful job of juggling all your responsibilities, except for maybe taking care of yourself. SH is probably gonna need some TLC, so maybe squeeze in some personal indulgence before he gets home?
I hope he can assure the widow that she did the best under the circumstances, all the family crap is just defered grief. Be well.

Epiphany said...

Condolences to SH. I'm really glad that he could be there for his friend before he died. I believe his friend knows/recognizes that on some level.

The positive thing about death (other than that this particular person is no longer suffering, thank goodness) is that it makes you value life and those you love much, much more.

I hope your foster kitten comes back! If not, well, you did your best. That's really all you can do. Much as we want to save them all, we just can't.

Anonymous said...

I hope the kitty comes back, and I'm very sorry to hear about the SH's friend. His parents sound a lot like dfratzke's in-laws, so my heart goes out to her.

2amsomewhere said...

Just catching up on your blog from the last week. Please forward my condolences as well. SH was a true friend to the very end.

Regarding Tux, that's so sad! Dealing with a pet with human issues is a road I've been down before, albeit with a medium sulfur crested cockatoo. It's no walk in the park. You have my sympathies.


hokgardner said...

You don't suck. You have a lot going on. Hang in there.

hughman said...

"i suck".

honey, you obviously have a higher bat than i do of people that suck. if you want i can get a lineup that will make you Mother Theresa.

dfratzke said...

I agree condolences to SH ... and I also believe the friend knew on some level that he was there. The widow should firmly ignore all the rest of the crap from the friends parents, and give herself permission to make comments such as "until you walk a mile in my shoes" ... sheesh! It's unbelievable the crap some people pull in the name of "their" grief. Hugs to you for being a sounding board for SH, as I'm sure he'll need to discuss all he went through, as well. Tell the widow to contact me if she needs support -- as, unfortunately, I've been there.

Tux will come out of hiding for you, I predict. You do marvelous things with your furry little angels. He'll eventually realize that, as well!

Take care and quit beating yourself up. You're doing a fabulous job with everything.

JKG said...

Give my regards to SH. He did the right thing by going, and by staying. The vigil is one of the few enduring testaments to friendship; I don't think its importance can be overstated. My thoughts are with him. Mortality is hard.

Missy said...

DH, you know that it is physically impossible to keep a cat in, that is determined to get out, no matter how much the cat actually dislikes the reality of "out." (there's a metaphor in there somewhere, I'm sure.)

My sympathies to the SH and hugs to you.

Let us also take note, that in-laws can be miserable at unbelievable times.

Freewheel said...

Take care all.

Unknown said...

My thoughts are with SH and the family. No matter how much you see it coming, it's must be an impossible decision to let someone go, even someone who is gone already.

Blessings upon you for being there for yours, and for SH for being there for his friend & family.

Trouble said...

The friend's parents accused the friend's wife of "letting him die."

You don't suck. Or maybe, just in good ways. These parents, however, suck. I'm sorry that their family has been torn apart by this. I'm glad SH was there. Clearly, he was needed.