So the Sober Husband is away, keeping a vigil at his friend's deathbed. I feel guilty for having pressured him to go (although it wasn't just me; the friend's wife called him and asked him to please help out), because it sounds like a living hell. The friend is worse than imagined. My husband wants so much to be able to communicate with his friend, but the hospital staff are keeping the friend sedated. Evidently when he starts breathing on his own, it clashes with the rhythm of the ventilator, and that alone is grounds to keep him unconscious. The horrible truth is that it's no longer a question of Dan the person, Dan the unique individual whom I will always remember wearing his wristwatch strapped to his ankle. It's a matter of doing things to Dan the dying body. Shudder. So is it of any use whatsoever to have my husband, Dan's lifelong friend, by the sedated, dying body's side? Fuck if I know.
I do know that I don't want to go out that way myself and neither does the Sober Husband.
Iris Uber Alles was crying at bedtime last night. Immediately I assumed she was upset about death, since her pet rat is dying of cancer at the same time her father's friend (whom Iris knows) is also dying. I bucked myself up for a Big Talk and gently inquired about what Iris was feeling. It turns out that her father had just been away for a conference and now he was gone again, and she missed him. No big worries about mortality. I've got to give up on that overthinking.
Another thing I'm going to give up on is keeping track of what I read. It's only March, and I've already forgotten some of the books I've read, and I've failed to track them all here as I resolved. I looked at "The Homecoming" by Bernhard Schlink today at a bookstore and vaguely remembered having read it and not cared for it, but it took time for me to remember anything about the plot. I also suspect that I was driving the readers crazy with all those book reviews. Y'all come here for witty anecdotes of a sot beleaguered by her precocious children and cats, not book reviews and cancer stories. So! Fewer book reviews and less overthinking, but more "advance directives" all around, I think. Let's all make "living wills" or whatever you're supposed to call the things.
I have one of those. a living will, I mean. Along with a will. not having a sober husband, my brother will make the call, but I trust him to be ruthless enough to be merciful.
I asked a friend to be backup power of attorney/plug puller. He wanted to know what the criteria for pulling the plug was. My answer was "If it's an option, take it" This is probably a good time to do all those pesky estate chores. Creating a trust yada yada yada. We need to update ours actually.
We're going through the same thing with my grandmother. She is completely nonresponsive, and now we're waiting for the body to give up. It's the hardest kind of waiting there is. I jump every time the phone rings. But then I go back to the wonderful memories I have of my grandmother.
And I enjoy your book reviews/recaps.
I'm really sorry about Dan, and while I'm glad the Sober Husband went, because it was the right thing to do, I feel so badly he had to go at all.
I also liked the book reviews. They made me feel intelligent. What's not to like about that?
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's friend. In the long run, I think that your husband will be glad that he went. I'm sure it means a lot to his friend's family.
I also vote for keeping the book reviews.
poor iris. well at least she has the beautiful DH to console her.
Okay, it seems we have enough of a consensus: the book reviews will return! Three of our esteemed regular commenters vote for the book reviews, and no one was bold enough to say, "Thank God you're stopping; those incessant book reviews were driving me crazy."
Hokgardner, sorry about your grandmother. I hope she passes peacefully.
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