The Sober Husband supports me in this goal but does not share it. He mused recently over how he doesn't need to socialize. "I guess I don't like people as much as you do."
Not everyone is supportive. Iris über Alles grills me over where I go, what I do, and who accompanies me. One new friend became known as "Mommy's creepy friend", with a heavy implication that it was stupid for me to spend time with a "creepy friend" when I could be with my darling children. "Why did you have us, if you didn't want to spend time with us?"
And now the heavy hand of the law has intervened. Lola has formed the "Fun Police." Every time I have too much fun (mostly meaning that I go out and stay out past the time Lola falls asleep), I get a ticket and a very stern lecture. Lolz recently took the time to document the Fun Police's anti-mommy policies:
This is the guide of the FUN POLICE: STOPPING FUN SINCE LAST WEEK OR SOMETHING.
A ticket is a warning from the FUN POLICE. If you stay out too late for an event, you will get a ticket. You need not keep track of your tickets, the POLICE will take care of that for you. If you get five tickets, you get a penalty which is a stern note from the Chief of POLICE, a guilt trip about it, and stern-ness from Lolz. Your tickets are kept track of in the Ticket List. Each person ha a seperate Ticket List, and your Lists are refreshed when you get five tickets.
What are events?
To put it simply, events are any type of party or bar or camp you go to.
Can I lose tickets?
No. NO-DIDDLY-GODDAMN NO.
Do you like milk?
-The chief of FUN POLICE
What do you look like?
We are spheres with arms twice the size of us that fly in the air. We are robots too.
Do you like pastries?
Yes. Continue with important questions.
Resonable hours to come home
Resonable hours to come home are from 6:00 to 11:00. If you come home later than that, you will get a ticket. If you come earlier, you will not get a ticket. If you come home earlier than 6:00, you won’t get a ticket either.
THIS HAS BEEN A BOOK FROM THE FUN POLICE: STOPPING FUN SINCE LAST WEEK OR SOMETHING.