Thursday, May 14, 2009

Confliction resolution- the boring style. By Iris Uber Alles

The other day when I picked third grader Iris uber Alles up at school, as usual I asked her how her day was. Instead of her usual noncommittal grunt, Iris let loose with a rant about how instead of gym, she'd had a conflict resolution seminar. I found this fascinating and asked her to write a guest blog piece. Please welcome our resident nine year-old expert on conflict resolution and gym classes:

Okay peoples I'm her to talk about what happened a few days ago which was apparently very amusing.
At school everybody plays a game called "Four square" It involves a ball, and four squares and you pass it on and on and on, and you can't bounce it in your own square twice, and there's code language like "Buy me a soda" and "Peace out" and blah blah blah the rules go on and on and on! It's never ending! The P.E. Teachers are supposed to be in charge of this, because the homeroom teachers don't want to have to deal with people having "problems" caused by people not following the rules when playing this game. I don't play it. People talk about how they can make the world a better place, and how all wars should end, and then they play four square! by doing that they're promoting the opposite of "Peace out" which is why that is such a terrible game! But that's not the funny part. A few days ago, we walked out of the classroom to go to P.E. (I call it peh.) the "peh" teachers came up to us and said they were going to divide us into groups. they didn't tell us why, I expected we'd be like bouncing basketballs or something, then they led the first group indoors, and I didn't know what to expect. I was in the last group,and they led me into the other third grade classroom with the so-called"PEH TEACHER OF DOOM"! Then we sat down, and she said we were going to be talking about conflict resolution. I immediately realized that this had a deep connection with four-square. then we started talking about conflicts and resolution and stuff then the teacher pulled out a globe and pointed to Iraq. Then she said, "What is happening here?" I really wanted to laugh at that point but I had to hold it back. Then one person, with their face full of light, said, "A war!" Then we went over to the white board and the teacher explained how Anger is a good thing but you have to use it right. Then she pointed out what are good ways to let out your anger and bad ways. and what really made it official that this entire thing was pointless was one person raised her hand asked if war was a good thing! and then yeah it basically ended, or at least I wasn't there, because the lunch bell rang and for me when I hear that sound I just automatically start dashing out the door.


P.S. I need braces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OH NO!


Cassie said...

I came across your blog after some random search and decided to look at your post for today. After giggling and reading it to my husband, I almost cried because my sixth graders don't write that well.

elaines630 said...

That was awesome!

LaVikinga said...

Iris, don't worry about the braces. Wear them early. Nothing worse than High School AND braces. The cool thing about braces is that you can get them is all SORTS of cool colors:

Dread Pirate Davi said...

If only Dubbya had had a PEH teacher to teach HIM about conflict resolution...

Captain Steve said...

Dude. And with the braces, make sure that your orthodontist isn't annoying, because then you might have to use your 4 square conflict resolution willpower not to bite him. And it's really hard.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Cassie, this definitely made me have mother of a better writer than my kid is envy.

Missy said...

Iris, I loved hearing your perspective about foursquare.

We have 4square issues at the school where I work as well.

How we handle it: The PE teacher/coach teaches the rules to all classes. Students who argue about being out or refuse to accept the rules, get to sit out the next day from four square.

The grown-ups at your school need to just act like adults and not extrapolate normal playground issues to world wide conflicts.

As for braces, sometimes your permanent teeth come in crooked. Then they move around a bit before you turn 11 or so. You get braces, and it's not great, but you deal with it. If your orthodontist is like ours, you'll like going to him (even if you don't like braces.) Before you know it, you'll have beautiful, straight teeth.

And you'll still be winning at foursquare.

the Drunken Housewife said...

LaVikinga, THANK YOU so much for that link. The children have played with it endlessly, and it's done a lot to reconcile them to the idea of braces. Currently Iris plans to get braces which alternate black with green. Lola is favoring fuchsia.

And for the other mothers: I'm sure your children do plenty of stuff better than mine. Feel free to post some examples of their personal excellence!

Unknown said...

I'm officially impressed with her. Her sense of humor is very sophisticated and, oh, she's going to have such a hard time with the stupidity in this world. May I share an 11th century poem? --
"Families, when a child is born,
Want it to be intelligent.
I, through intelligence,
Having wrecked my whole life,
Only hope the baby will prove
Ignorant and stupid,
Then he will crown a tranquil life
By becoming a Cabinet Minister.
-- Su Tung-P'o in On the Birth of his Son"
Good luck!!